


All My Heroes

by ghoulaesthetics (astraielle)



Series: Cat Ryder vs. The Universe [3]
Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, M/M, alec made some Decisions w ellen and ryder isnt pleased, fallout from all that, so uh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-03
Updated: 2017-09-03
Packaged: 2018-12-23 12:11:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11989533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astraielle/pseuds/ghoulaesthetics
Summary: Cat Ryder does not get along well with Alec Ryder.Or, well, she didn’t before he died anyway. Maybe that’s why she doesn’t mind too much when no one steps forward to offer her a shoulder to cry on when they give her the news. She’s kind of glad, actually, because she’s certain it’d be too uncomfortable for her to explain why she doesn’t have any to shed over him.





	All My Heroes

**Author's Note:**

> finding out alec did this was GREAT for me & cat's canon bc i already had it down that they didn't get along so this was perfect for that bc she's fucking pissed
> 
> & full disclosure at the time of writing this i have not actually finished this particular mission bc goddamn is it ever morally fucked lmao 
> 
> also yeah scott/gil totally happened post-coma & she's very happy for them but will also supplex gil if he ever hurt her brother & he knows it

Cat Ryder does not get along well with Alec Ryder.

Or, well, she didn’t before he died anyway. Maybe that’s why she doesn’t mind too much when no one steps forward to offer her a shoulder to cry on when they give her the news. She’s kind of glad, actually, because she’s certain it’d be too uncomfortable for her to explain why she doesn’t have any to shed over him. She’s more annoyed about the whole Pathfinder title being shoved on her, and it’s not like she can pass it on to anyone else (she can, actually, but she’s far too selfish to do that, and a tiny voice in her head that isn’t SAM tells her  _someone else is going to get this wrong, it has to be you_ ). 

Cat isn’t an overly emotional person, except inwardly she is. She feels too deeply and thinks maybe that’s the reason she could never tell Alec how much he  _hurt_  their family,  how much it killed her to watch Scott’s bizarre hero worship develop. He always saw their father’s work before the man, and she was the opposite. She can step back far enough to admit he was brilliant, because it’s hard to deny concrete results. But she’ll always follow that up by denouncing him as a father. 

 _“He wasn’t good at that. He didn’t love us like people, we were acquisitions. Things. And when we didn’t perform, he’d go back to his ‘brilliant’ work._ ” 

The fact that several people have informed the current Pathfinder that they can see bits of the old Pathfinder in her scares the hell out of her. She knows it’s partially true. That she can be closed off like him, that it’s hard for her to let herself love outwardly, that she gets her selfishness from him–it  _hurts_  that they’re partially right. Jaal assures her that she could never become like that, late at night when she’s on the verge of panic and desperately clutches at him, but she’s still not certain. She’s never liked him as a father, as a person, and doesn’t want that bitterness to turn her into him (ironic, but then, so has everything in her life been). 

Scott doesn’t get it. It’s been one of the few things they’ve fought about, and definitely the biggest. Scott loved Alec. Or he loved the idea of him, of a genius father to follow and look up to, someone who loved them quietly and in his own way. She’s not so sure which one it is. Either way, she’s happier when they don’t talk about it. Of course, he comes up again when the topic of their Mother comes up. How Alec kept her alive. 

Cat’s certain she’s never been so angry at anyone in her life. The rage refuses to subside, and she decides she needs to have a few days to herself before she’s fit to see people again. 

They argue about it. Scott wants their mother to be back, to honour his father’s effort, all it will take is the Human Pathfinder’s Authority,  _Catrina please, you can’t just let her die again, Catrina!_

But she can. Their Mother, her Mother, the one person that she ever felt truly and wholly loved by, spent most of her terminal diagnosis trying to convince Alec to let go, spent so much of her precious final moments hoping to heal their father. It didn’t work. His refusal to hear her had robbed Cat of more time with her Mother, and she wishes to God that Alec were here so she could beat him. Cat goes against her father’s wishes. Honours her Mother instead. Scott doesn’t speak to her for three weeks. She cries in bed that night. It’s only the second time she’s let herself fall apart in front of Jaal. He doesn’t ask. 

When Scott finally comes around to speak with her, it’s his turn to cry. He gets it. He does. He just didn’t want to, and when the opportunity Alec created was presented to them, he couldn’t help but want. She gets that too. But there was no way she would be able to live with herself if she completed such an act for Alec. It’s a long conversation, and honest one, and while Scott still cared for both of their parents, he’s at least viewing Alec through a less rose-tinted lens, though he’ll never feel the burning hatred that she does. Cat’s glad that one of them got to remain at least a little bit soft. 

The hold a real funeral for their Mother. Internally, Cat is a mess, wanting to scream and cry about how they already thought they buried her, already left all this behind, but she supposed that the grief never really left and maybe she really can let go now. Externally, she holds it together, voice only cracking a little during the send-off. It’s quiet. The Ryder twins, their respective significant others and the crew of the Tempest are in attendance. It’s all they really need to be there, and Cat doesn’t think she’d have been able to handle Tann’s offer of a large ceremony. Too many questions from too many people that just didn’t matter, ultimately. And when the ashes hit the cold non-existent air of space outside the Nexus, she instinctively reaches both her hands out, one for her brother and one for her boyfriend, squeezing both as hard as she’ll allow. On Scotts’ other side, out of the corner of her eye, she can see him doing the same to Gil, and she thinks that her mother would be pleased with both of their choices. It brings a bitter, rueful smile to her face, one that’s only present under the steady stream of silent tears running out of her eyes. 

She’ll never get closure about Alec, and she more or less accepts it at this point. They were somewhat alike, and it probably couldn’t be helped. This is slightly ok too. If anything, she hopes it’s the brain her inherited, though probably not. But she’s at least had final closure with their Mother, and at the very least, she was able to ensure that the burial was respectful and down to the letter on the way she remembered her Mother wanting it. It’s been a few years, but she’s sure she got the details down. It was better than being lowered into a dark hole on Earth. 

Scott finds her again after everyone has left. She’s looking out at the stars, at their Mother, whiskey on the rocks in hand, but she’s not drinking it yet. It was their Mother’s favourite, and she’d picked it subconsciously. It feels fitting. Scott came with the same thing, and they share a glance and a tired chuckle. He thanks her, for taking the brunt of their father’s neglect as a child, and picking up the slack in the parenting department for him. She shrugs it off. It wasn’t a big deal, that’s what older sisters do. He shakes his head, he should have tried to be there for her. She shrugs again, because hindsight is always 20/20, and she’s not mad about it in the slightest. 

“ _Plus, no offence Scott, but I’ve seen you in an emotional crisis and you don’t exactly handle them well. At least I can pretend to have my shit together_.” 

It’s flippant and the most  _her_ thing he’s heard her say in days, and he laughs for real. It feels good. She lets it go too. They stare back out into the expanse in mutual slience, thoughts probably somewhere in the same pattern. Simultaneously, they clink glasses in a quiet tribute and take a sip. It’s not the way she imagined things would go, but she can’t say anything has. And as far as she’s concerned, given the situation, this was the best outcome she could have hoped for. 


End file.
